On My Son’s Birthday

On this, my son’s 2nd birthday, I pay tribute to the two most amazing women in my life: my mum and my wife. 

For it is in these 2 years that I have witnessed firsthand how much time, energy, money, sleep, blood, sweat and tears my wife has sacrificed for our son; the superhuman physical, mental and emotional strength she showed in caring for the child entrusted to us.

For it is in these 2 years that I thus found a newfound appreciation for my own mother, who I now realise went through all these caring for me before I was even able to bear witness.

For it is in these two years that I have found an understanding of the words of Allah when He said:

“And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”

[Surah Luqman:14]

Thank you so much, to mama/nana and yangku/mummy from myself and baby Mukhlis! 

We are truly blessed to have you both in our lives ❤️❤️❤️

one can live several different lives concurrently;

while feeling in each and every one

lonely.

let not the loneliness be 

perpetual,

let not the loneliness be

spiritual.

[2:186] 

Papa is a Tree

Pa, I remember you arriving home from work,

hands on hips, imitating the branches of a tree:

"Papa is a tree. 

Try and climb papa!"

Gleefully adik and I obliged, 

having never climbed a real tree,

racing to climb you like the city kids we are

(and having little regard for the health of your back 😅).

It has been nearly 15 years now since we last did that.

Those years have seen us kids 

grow up, leave school, fly overseas.

While you, Pa; 

our football coach, 

our chauffeur,

our best friend, 

have stayed our steady tree. 

I guess it can be tricky playing that role..

Being that steady over the years, 

it's easy to blend into the background -

people forgetting how important you are.

As you put out roots into yesterday, 

giving us steady support;

as you put out shoots into tomorrow, 

sheltering us from Life's elements;

as you put out flowers and fruits, 

nurturing those around you;

as you put out leaves green, red and brown, 

coloring our lives.

Trees, like everything, grow old

but they do develop a certain beauty with old age:

barks scarred and wrinkled with wisdom, 

leaves no longer growing thick,

revealing the empty nests of those city kids

who once lived on you, but

now live halfway across the world.

They remember still what you once said,

hands on hips, imitating the branches of a tree:

"Papa is a tree. 

Try and climb papa!"

Happy birthday, pa..

We love you! ❤️❤️😬😬

Awfa's Treatise on Loyalty and Trust

How beautiful a couple make Loyalty and Trust,

though too often they are found separated; incomplete:

This is the lesson from a baby

who hasn't yet learnt how to not trust.

A baby is born with eyes that do not judge.

But one of the first social skills she will learn

is to be anxious around strangers. 

To distrust.

You see, we don't forget how to trust.

Rather, we learn how to distrust. 

It is a natural stage of a baby's development;

maybe, an instinctive preparation to face a world

which is not always what it seems:

where people cheat, lie, deceive, play power games.

And to cheat, lie, deceive, play power games,

are social skills the baby, too, 

will learn as she grows up;

though now she is deceptively innocent.

We don't forget how to trust.

Rather, we learn how to distrust. 

And 

perhaps the belief that other people deceive

is a mechanism we build in our own minds

to cope with the guilt of our own deception.

Perhaps the belief that other people are not what they seem

is a mechanism we build in our minds

to cope with the burden of our own secrets.

If so then to trust is something to re-learn. 

And to learn how to trust others, 

one first has to learn to be worthy 

of the trust of others. 

How can I expect loyalty from others when I am myself untrustworthy? 

How can I expect to trust others when I am myself disloyal? 

Loyalty and Trust come hand in hand.

Naturally. Beautifully.

But only if they meet.

This is the lesson from a baby

who hasn't yet learnt how to not trust:

though too often they are found separated; incomplete,

how beautiful a couple make Loyalty and Trust. 

Credits: Awfa binti Adlan Wafi

Popo's Relationship Advice

An extract from yesterday's conversation* with popo**

Me: popo sudah makan?

Popo: sudah..!

Me: saya pon dah makan pagi tadi la

Popo: makan apa? Nasi lemak ka? Kahkahkah

Me: haha tada la..nasi putih sama telur goreng saja laa

Popo: wahh..lu manyak panai ah..! Masak pon panai, semua pon panai.. Satu hari nanti lu kawen la kahkahkah

Me: hahaha popo tolong saya pujuk mama kasi saya kawen laa

Popo: aiya..lu cali sendili la.. Lu punya mama tala cali untuk lu la kahkahkah..! Haiya...mikai*** ah!

*sorry..google translate will definitely not help with this, guys

**chinese for 'grandma'

***how popo pronounces my name

Thermodynamics

The applicability of thermodynamics against jiwang:

Chill.

Lower the temperature.

The heart has a melting point.

"Until your heart is in check,

you can't use your mind"

- Nouman Ali Khan 

But to make a decision with BOTH heart and mind?

Ahah..now that requires more than a knowledge of thermodynamics 🤓

(Confirm ak kne tembak pasni sbb bajet paham thermodynamics)

Idols

When those statues around the Kaabah were brought down, I imagine

that it must have been painful for the worshippers of those idols to see.

It must be hard to let go of old habits, old attachments.

But that pain was, ultimately, short-lived.

And that pain was necessary, before 

the inner peace that Islam brought 

could enter their hearts.

It is a similar case, I imagine, for those idols we have in our hearts:

wealth, self, a lover.

But like those statues around the Kaabah they too must be brought down.

It is a pain necessary to achieve inner peace.

And I pray that it too will be a pain short-lived.

#imanbarunakup

Kintsugi

If mistakes are necessary to move towards perfection

then so, necessarily, we will never be perfect.

Is that where beauty lies?

"The world breaks everyone and 

afterward many are strong 

in the broken places."

- Ernest Hemmingway

(How can I expect you to be perfect 

when I'm not either?)

To Love and Be Loved

Mohammad Ramtoola ヅ was confused when I asked him how to say in French

the word "lover".

"What do you mean?" he asked back;

"Someone who you love, or someone who loves you?"

For apparently they are two different words.

This highlighted an important fact,

often overlooked:

Love is not a monolithic thing;

there are actually TWO components to it:

to love, and

to be loved.

For most of us, the 'to be loved' part comes easily.

Because

ever since we are born our parents have showered us with love 

unconditionally;

we are loved just for the fact that we are us: their children.

And so we grow up not just taking the

food, clothing and shelter they give us 

for granted,

but also love itself as a given.

With time we reach teenagehood

and suddenly the urge to fall in love with someone else -

a "lover" -

creeps into our psyche.

But

when teenagers say they want to fall in love,

often they still mean they want 'to be loved' - 

more than they actually want 'to love'.

Because although teens 

have the bodies of adults,

they still have the minds of children

when it comes to the matter of love.

And so it takes the passage of even more time 

to mature us into people who truly learn 

that 1st component:

'to love'

(Maybe, even, it takes us to have our own children 

before we truly learn that).

Anyhow

without BOTH components present,

a relationship cannot work properly.

The Malays have a saying, apt to describe

a relationship in which the parties are willing 

only 'to be loved'

but not 'to love':

"tepuk sebelah tangan"

"to clap with one hand" -

a futile act.

It is the same in our relationship with God;

that relationship is a love story,

and so it too has TWO components.

'To be loved' by God is obvious

for

ever since we are born.

It is He who has given us our parents 

via whom He has given us

food, clothes and shelter.

Question is have we learnt that 1st component of love

in this love story with God?

'To love' him is to worship him exclusively;

to put him above yourself and 

all the attractions of this dunya.

And no, He doesn't need our love 

for He is free from need.

It is us who stand to lose out 

in this world and the next,

attempting vainly to clap with one hand

if we don't learn eventually 

how to love.

Reminder to self.

An Analysis of Limbo

The very word “Friendzone” strikes fear in the very hearts of men (and sometimes women) everywhere. The harmless-sounding word has been a source of pain since the written word was invented millennia ago. The toughest man can crumble at its very prospect (hiperbola).

Admittedly, the Friendzone isn’t scary for everyone. Nor is it scary all the time. The vast majority of people are happy to stay in each other’s respective Friendzones. The system, in equilibrium, is constant, predictable, and in that it is comforting. The Friendzone is like a mother’s womb, or a warm blanket in the morning, or like supporting Manchester United – you will always be sure of a win.

BUT (because there’s always a but)…things get tricky when one tries to step out of this zone. As 9gag wisdom states:

Those who have attempted to leave the Friendzone will discover that the comfort it gives is very deceptive. The warmth of the Zone can thus be likened to the warmth of a pit of quicksand – comforting but asphyxiating.

Still it is not totally impossible to leave this Zone. Countless souls over the generations have taken the leap from the Friendzone to the More-Than-Friends Zone. But beware: few make the jump. Many others fall to their deaths, or worse, the No-Longer-Friends Zone.

Besides landing (or falling) into the More-Than-Friends Zone or No-Longer-Friends Zone, there is a third possible outcome of this ‘leap of faith’ (to use a line from Inception). It is, in my personal belief, the worst outcome of the three – being caught in ‘Limbo’ (to continue the Inception analogy).

A person condemned to the terrifying fate of Limbo finds himself in a strange land between ‘friends’ and ‘more than friends’, while at the same time hanging ominously over  the ‘no longer friends’ drop. This is best illustrated by our friend Mario below:

This Limbo region has been the subject of much study by nuclear physicists and relationship gurus alike. The only consensus about Limbo is that it is somewhere where the laws of physics do not apply. Other than that, numerous conflicting theories arise regarding its nature and composition. Some believe that the Limbo region is a tangible element yet undiscovered by science, others say it is an imaginary concept with real-life applications (like Mathematics), while others still insist that it is made up of equal proportions of dark matter and pixie dust(the theory, though absurd, is yet to be discredited).

The paragraph above can be ignored. Saja nak merapu.

Those in Limbo are often given advice by concerned friends and family along these lines:

• Just get over her lah…!
• Dude, if she’s the one, go for it man!!
• If you love a bird let it go, if it belongs to you it will surely return.
• You have to fight for love…stop sitting around doing nothing you idiot!
• Kalau ada jodoh, you guys will end up together…
• Kalau jodoh pun, mesti ada usaha…

As you may very well notice, the torrent of advice is often contradictory. Thus, on the subject of Limbo, I have grouped advice-givers into two schools of thought:

1. Interventionists – This group of people recommend a gung-ho approach to love, preferring action over waiting. People of this group generally recommend a “listen to your heart” approach which borders on the impulsive. They suggest direct displays of love and get mad at the prospect of “sitting around and waiting for the One”. The Interventionist approach is usually criticized as being an impatient idiot’s approach to love.
2. Market-Oriented Advocates – This group of people recommend a more patient approach to love, preferring waiting over action. They are staunch believers that the many tentacles of Fate will deliver you to the One regardless of whether you try or not. Trying, in fact, may make things worse. So why try? This approach preaches “listening to your head” and is generally more rational, but is also a biggest test on patience. They have a “what will be, will be” mentality and frown upon displays of affection which they believe has a negative impact on the course of the relationship. The Market-Oriented approach is usually criticized as being a cowardly idiot’s approach to love.

Typical when it comes to the issue of Limbo, the dispute between the above groups is far from resolved. Due to the unnecessary stress it causes, I believe that someone stuck in limbo listening to such advice is – well – unadvisable.

I write much of this post from personal experience, because currently I am in Limbo. How I got here was via a strange combination of Interventionist and Market-Oriented policies. Reporting from the Limbo, I can tell you that it is a place full of questions and insecurity. It is a blind drift in a thick fog. It is not fun.

But, perhaps surprisingly, the Limbo is not my biggest worry. I end this post with a message to my Mum* (a lady whose basic tenet is ‘no relationships while studying!’):

Your son has grown up, and his mind will drift to thoughts of marriage. I guess its inevitable. But I know how important a good IB result is to me…and the family. Don’t worry Ma, I won’t do anything without your consent. I know my priorities.

*Mama is a staunch Marked-Oriented Advocate. She believes in ‘jodoh’ but tells her children that romantic relationships are permissible ‘once you have a career’. It is not just talk; Mama takes concrete steps in preventing such relationships. In that way, her believes are Market-Oriented, but her actions are Interventionist.

This contradiction isn’t that weird though…I understand that it comes from the heart of a mother. One of the rare types of love which doesn’t involve Limbo.