Thursday, February 18, 2010

Bloodless Buttocks on a Road to Nowhere

There's really no other way to get more intimate with a car than resting your rear on it's seat for a whole day. And that's exactly what I did on the 14th of February. That's right - on the first day of the Chinese New Year, and Valentine's day besides, my butt was smooching with a car seat.

With the luggage packed and everybody awake, my family left for Port Dickson. I had a PS2 on my lap, to entertain myself in PD. The sun was up when we left that fateful day. It set a cheerful mood for the trip, although cheerfulness was the last thing on my mind, having enjoyed only four hours of sleep the night before (6 to 10 a.m., to be exact). Oh well, just a tiny obstacle to a great holiday...

At least breakfast cheered me up. Nothing like a warm belly full of roti telur to lift your mood. After that, we left for the (assumed) short trip to Port Dickson, and I attempted to take a short nap.

Unfortunately, those attempts were useless. While Sis slept as if her life depended on it (maybe she was dreaming about some hot Korean guy), I couldn't get any shut-eye at all! Staring at the passing scenery didn't help. Closing my eyes just meant I was staring at the scenery through the inside of my eyelids instead. All the while, I felt the blood slowly drain out of my butt...oh well, just a tiny obstacle to a great holiday...

The ride to PD should have taken not more than 2 hours, but we took a detour through Malacca instead...and if you have the remotest idea of the Malaysian map, you will realize that it just makes the trip longer - by 3 hours. At this point, my butt was screaming in agony. I tried to balance out the lack of blood in both butt cheeks by shifting my weight from side to side constantly, but that just widened the scope of the torture. Just a tiny obstacle to a great holiday...

So we arrived in Malacca, where my family owned an orchard. Hmmm..maybe the word "orchard" is pretty deceiving, since that word implies a lush plot of land where you can pick fruits and enjoy them under the shade of a tree. The "orchard" in Malacca is more like a set for a Resident Evil movie. Hardly worth a 3 hour detour, but oh well...just a tiny obstacle to a great holiday...

At least the stop in Malacca allowed me to stretch my legs and give some well-deserved respite for my bloodless buttocks. But something was worrying me. The rear left wheel of the car (the wheel closest to me, by the way) had been making strange noises the whole time, and the sound seems to have grown over time. Everybody seemed oblivious to it, but personally, the thought of getting killed by a creaking car axle did not appeal to me, and I was relieved when we stopped for some lunch.

We weren't hungry, and ate little, but the bill came out at 35 ringgit. 35 ringgit! When a similar meal in Puchong would have cost half of that! A rip off, pure and simple. Ah, but its just a tiny obstacle to a great holiday... or so I thought as my butt was reunited with the steamy embrace of the car seat.

Finally! We were in PD! I could almost hear the chorus of singing angels as the cooling blood flow returned to my butt cheeks. We carried all our luggage down (PS2 included) and trudged towards our apartment. It was locked...not so tiny obstacle to a great holiday.

Apparently, the previous tenant of the apartment locked the grill of the apartment, when there wasn't any key for it. Funny how a locked door can mess up an entire day for 8 people. But as frustrating as it was, Sis and I couldn't help to laugh at the whole absurdity of the situation. We proceeded to concluding the irony of the day's events:
1. Being optimistic, we can look at the entire trip as a visit to Malacca, but:
2. We brought along enough luggage for a two-day stay
3. We brought a PS2 along (on my lap)
4. We got ripped off at lunch
5. The car is disintegrating under us
6. I may have permanently damaged the nerve endings in my butt

Mum, on the other hand, didn't exactly see the funny side and seemed ready to beat up the wise guy who said: "When a door closes, a window always opens" (We didn't try to break in through a window, by the way)

And so, my butt and the car seat lived in holy matrimony for another few hours as we took the surprisingly short drive back home. Sis and I passed the time by translating English songs to Bahasa Malaysia, and vice versa (and thus discovering that Maroon 5 would have done well if they had explored the Malay music industry). It did become quite nervy since the troublesome wheel was now screeching like a demon being exorcised and I was silently praying that the day would not end with me being horribly impaled on a car axle.

But all in all, the trip did, in a strange way, bring us closer together. We even had time to hook the PS2 up for a few games before going out for a family dinner that night (in another car). And I have the car seat and my butt to thank for teaching me that "two is better than one"
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