To Love and Be Loved

Mohammad Ramtoola ヅ was confused when I asked him how to say in French

the word "lover".

"What do you mean?" he asked back;

"Someone who you love, or someone who loves you?"

For apparently they are two different words.

This highlighted an important fact,

often overlooked:

Love is not a monolithic thing;

there are actually TWO components to it:

to love, and

to be loved.

For most of us, the 'to be loved' part comes easily.

Because

ever since we are born our parents have showered us with love 

unconditionally;

we are loved just for the fact that we are us: their children.

And so we grow up not just taking the

food, clothing and shelter they give us 

for granted,

but also love itself as a given.

With time we reach teenagehood

and suddenly the urge to fall in love with someone else -

a "lover" -

creeps into our psyche.

But

when teenagers say they want to fall in love,

often they still mean they want 'to be loved' - 

more than they actually want 'to love'.

Because although teens 

have the bodies of adults,

they still have the minds of children

when it comes to the matter of love.

And so it takes the passage of even more time 

to mature us into people who truly learn 

that 1st component:

'to love'

(Maybe, even, it takes us to have our own children 

before we truly learn that).

Anyhow

without BOTH components present,

a relationship cannot work properly.

The Malays have a saying, apt to describe

a relationship in which the parties are willing 

only 'to be loved'

but not 'to love':

"tepuk sebelah tangan"

"to clap with one hand" -

a futile act.

It is the same in our relationship with God;

that relationship is a love story,

and so it too has TWO components.

'To be loved' by God is obvious

for

ever since we are born.

It is He who has given us our parents 

via whom He has given us

food, clothes and shelter.

Question is have we learnt that 1st component of love

in this love story with God?

'To love' him is to worship him exclusively;

to put him above yourself and 

all the attractions of this dunya.

And no, He doesn't need our love 

for He is free from need.

It is us who stand to lose out 

in this world and the next,

attempting vainly to clap with one hand

if we don't learn eventually 

how to love.

Reminder to self.